Christmas is not about how much money is/can be spent. It’s about bringing family together to remember why we are here on this earth, to honor our purpose through celebrating the life of Jesus Christ, God made human. It’s a chance for hearts to be restored through a power much greater than our own strength (thank God, literally; thank you God). It’s a blessing to ground our hearts. All I want is you to be present (look! a pun already) and happy.
No one is perfect. We all have our ups and downs. It’s no secret that you have been through rough times and experiences more than most, more than anyone should ever have to. Seeing you hurt makes my heart hurt that I feel so unable to help (notice I didn’t say fix you, you are human not a broken clock). If we are being honest, it is hard to help others when you need help for yourself. I used this analogy in my ethics class a couple years ago. Each time you go on an airplane, you are told that if you are traveling with kids and in an emergency, you need to put on your own oxygen mask before the children. Does this make you a bad person for putting yourself first? No, not in the slightest. You cannot help if you don’t have the “oxygen” of your own to give you the strength to help.
You are already loved so completely and unconditionally. You are loved so fiercely. You have the perfect love of the Father. No matter what the world or yourself tells you, there is nothing so “wrong” you could do to chase away His love and his desire for your heart to made whole through Him. I love you without conditions. No matter what and through all that we have been through, not once has my love for you ever faltered. Life is hard, but I am here for you to the best of my abilities.
You are in control of your future, even though the struggles seem to be too big to make it possible. Remember that one verse where all things are possible through Christ because we do not have to go through life by our own strength (I mean, if that were true I’d be more of a mess than reality tv)? All our hope is in God and His unbreakable promises. We do not have a God that is inconsistent; we have a God that consistently loves us.
Anxiety does not make you “stupid.” Fear does not make you “stupid.” Sure, no one has all the answers, but, honestly, who would really want that? We do not get everything perfect or even right on the first try. We make mistakes, but then we get to choose to pick ourselves back up and try again. If this means reaching out to someone for advice or a differing viewpoint, go for it. Asking questions and asking for help makes you the exact opposite of stupid. The kids who raise their hands in class to ask for clearer understanding does not only make themselves better off but the rest of the class as well. In the same way, it is difficult but we all have to remember that no else is perfect either and will have flaws and mistakes (that’s why we lean on God first and foremost).
Repeat this as much as you have to: “You is kind. You is smart. You is important.”
There’s this tricky thing called free will. It can be the best and the worst. You have more control and strength in you than you will ever know. You can fight to find your purpose; you have a heavenly father that is eager and ready to help you discover all of what you are capable of; He gives you your purpose. Salvation is rooted in truth, not based on our ever changing emotions; it is not circumstantial. It is an eternal gift that cannot be taken away with a snap of your fingers. It is free will that brings us into the arms of our loving Father.
We are here to support you and grow with you. Your struggles are mine too. I would carry you on my back to the end of the world if I had to. I am here. I am here and you matter so much to me. I am here and, when you do not feel loved, I am here loving you unconditionally. I would not be who I am today without you. You have made me strong, independent, grateful, and happy (unfortunately neither of my DNA suppliers gave me any grace other than in name, thanks mom and dad).
If you were gone, we would all notice. We would miss you in the moments of laughter when we cannot hear the laugh that mirrors your own mother. We would miss you in reminiscing and not having you there to share too and hear your thoughts. We would miss you in the rare occasions we get the whole family together because our family is not complete without you. We would miss you when we count out your brothers and sisters because you would not be there to be the oldest sister you were literally born to be (you are one serious front runner). We would miss you when we go out to eat and you are not there to say that you ordered something too big. We would miss you every meal when you are not there to ask for milk in your stainless steel cups with exactly three ice cubes. We would miss you on weekend nights as you run around getting ready. We would miss you in our big life moments when you are not there next to us to celebrate with us. I would miss you on my wedding day and you not being there to make sure everything is in order and not letting me be seen without my “lips” on. I would miss you on my wedding day when I cry tears of joy and from feeling how deeply I am loved. I would miss you on my wedding day not being there to squeeze my hand one last time before walking down the aisle to the man of my dreams. I would miss you when I one day (hopefully) get pregnant. I would miss not being able to tell you first and in a special way. I would miss you on the day I bring your grandbaby into the world. I would miss you in the hospital not being there to hold them and give them all the grandma love possible. I would miss you when I need guidance on how to be a parent and raise up strong children. I would miss you not being there to watch your grandbabies and teach them weird things (I know you’ll pump them with sugar, but I wouldn’t want to miss those moments with you even for a second). I would miss you everyday that I would not be able to tell you I love you. You have a whole new family ready to love you like I know they love me as their own. I would miss you every second. I would be empty. I need you. We all need you. Besides, I already told you a bazillion times that you have to stay with me always (pull a Methuselah and you will be good to go for centuries).
I love you always,
your baby girl
XX 1 JOHN 4:16 XX